Taking the Long View
Full speed ahead is often the mode of operation for a couple planning their wedding event. All the questions of living permanently together linger in the back of a couple’s mind, but neither party may know how to address these uncertainties in the midst of wedding planning.
Some of the angst and worry prior to marriage can be relieved when a couple begins to talk about the realities of married life. With a seasoned coach, they can safely deal with some of their fears. Using intentional communication tools, they can discuss how to cope with conflict, debt, finances, family, and sex.
With a soft manner and a whole lot of compassion I guide couples through challenging topics like: How would we deal with a teenager who is in trouble with the law? How would we cope with a special needs child? or How would we face infidelity?
Direct, difficult questions prepare a couple for the many challenges that can arise during married life. The National Marriage Project found that a couple who participated in premarital counseling fared better in their marriage than couples who weren’t prepared (New York Times, March 29, 2015).
A couple I worked with previously in premarital counseling reported that creating a “Relationship Vision” during our counseling sessions helped establish a tradition of coming together each morning prior to the workday. This forethought gave a conscious element to the relationship. They knew where the points of joining and separation were in their daily life. They gave voice to their mutual boundaries. This intentional relationship gave clarity to their shared life and built confidence in a solid, joyful relationship.
Recently, they sat in my office discussing the realities of having a child after raising a rambunctious puppy. I noticed their mutual infectious excitement tempered with a practical realization of the challenges ahead of them. Their premarital coaching seemed to have initiated a quiet, confident steadiness with each other.